Saying What's Real by Susan Campbell, Ph.D. Saying What's Real by Susan Campbell, Ph.D.

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I get over it, and come back to being present Dating dreams available.

This can cause all manner of misunderstanding and needless pain. In Truth in Dating, the chief goal is to communicate from the most real, most transparent and undefended place you can come from. Here is an example of how the intent to control might show up in an intimate relationship.

For example, after telling your date that you'd be interested in going out with her again, you later realize that you aren't attracted to her, but were afraid to hurt her by telling the truth.

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You are taking a step into the unknown -- not knowing how the other may respond. This lesson will become apparent as you get more relaxed about asking. I imagine I took it as an attempt to control me.

I started to ask, but as soon as I asked the question, 1 felt anxiety about how he might react. And she'll get the wrong idea We need to learn how to heal the past in our adult relationships. Does it include sharing your psychological histories?

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Is there such a thing as too much reality in a relationship? Do not attempt to reach agreement. You have several options: Instead of simply being present in the moment, their minds went racing off into the future in an unconscious, patterned way.

Otherwise, the other doesn't know what you are responding to.

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By interpreting Dirk's behavior, instead of experiencing what is, Simone "took control," and short-circuited the real possibilities inherent in the situation. Mixed Emotions on a First Date I have used this skill often on a first date when I want to tell a man that I do not want a second date with him.

What a relief this might be — if we would stop strategizing about how to create the desired impression. Thriving on feedback You are open and curious about others' impressions and reactions to you. This thought can interfere with my spontaneity, so my practice is to notice when such an idea gets in my mind and clogs up my ability to perceive reality.

She did not tell Dirk what she heard or what she felt, and she didn't ask him what he meant. Excerpted from Truth in Dating by Susan M.

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What I now feel is As you look down this list, you'll notice that all of these things have something to do with avoiding uncomfortable feelings. Giving feedback is the act of verbally letting the other know how his actions affected you.

To speak a simple feeling and then to be quiet allows a deeper contact than if I said I felt disappointed and then went on to explain or justify why I felt this way. And often it will. This is not a logical process, but rather some sort of emotional alchemy.